and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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