the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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