So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
