Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
