I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
