"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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