My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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