I think my fart just growled at me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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