I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
