in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
