My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
