So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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