shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
