hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
