Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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