I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We're too hungover to prance.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
