She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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