im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
