it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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