Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
