You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Are my feet made of real feet?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
