Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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