I met the friendliest cop last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am naked and annoyed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
