I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
