I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
