did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
