I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
