No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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