You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
