I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my shit smells like andre
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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