but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
