Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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