yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
