I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
