Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
