Fine. I'll sleep in my office
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
