you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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