I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
