Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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