I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
