oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
