so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
