Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
