I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
