Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
4 words: hood of his car
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
