you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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