Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
