if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
