i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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