i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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