6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
