i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
